Choose your battles
by mieh
Summary: Set during 601. Mike just went to prison and Donna wants Harvey to fight to save the firm, but he's choosing his own battles.


**AN: Hi! Here I am again, this time with a little throwback fic. This is set during 601, so to freshen the memory for context: Mike just left his own wedding to go to prison, every partner left, everyone is a mess, they're trying to save the firm… and that is the last place Harvey wants to be.**

**I feel like I should point out that the first part is dialogue from the show, though that's probably obvious *inserts thinking emoji***

**Enjoy the read! ❤**

**Thank you to Blue for the betaing and the laughs.**

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Mike is in prison. Deal made, sentenced and locked up for something _he_ did. While he's out here in this office trying to save the firm as if it even mattered anymore.

The kid is good. He's really good. He tries to do what's right and help others and he was about to get married… and now he got two years of his life taken away from him.

Harvey's trying so hard to keep it together. All the partners left and are suing the firm for a hundred million dollars and he sits there having a drink with Jessica while they wait for their plan to be set in motion.

That is until Louis barges into his office with more bad news. The plan isn't working, they're all screwed and Louis doesn't waste a second of time to tell him this is all his fault. Jessica wants to know what they're all worth and Louis isn't taking it.

"Why don't you just jam a cattle prod up my ass, it would be less invasive." The man fires up at Jessica.

"I'll jam my fist in your face if you don't start getting with the program." He can't believe how meager Louis can be even in this situation.

"There you go, resorting to violence like you always do!" Louis starts yelling at him, "Because you won't admit this whole thing is your fault in the first place!"

Harvey stands to tower over the man. No matter how he feels about the situation they find themselves in, he's not gonna let fucking Louis point a finger at him when he used the situation to benefit himself and get his name on the wall. "My fault? If I hadn't brought Mike in, you'd still be here sniveling around like a goddamn junior partner!"

"And if I hadn't given Donna back to you, you'd still be having panic attacks like a goddamn little girl!"

"You smug son of a bitch!"

"That's enough!" Rachel's yell echoes in the office but what really stops him dead in his tracks is seeing Donna standing there behind her.

She heard what Louis just said.

In the silence she created Rachel continues in a much lower tone, disappointment etched in her voice. "I just watched the man that I love go to prison so none of you have to. And it hasn't been five minutes and you're already ripping each other apart!"

"Rachel–" Harvey tries to reason, but Rachel is having none of it.

"_Let me finish_. I thought I wanted to be alone tonight and then I realized that I didn't because I wanted to be with my family. But if you can't keep it together tonight of all nights then as far as I'm concerned you can all rot in hell."

"I'm gonna say what she won't," Louis picks up the second Rachel turns her back and leaves, somehow interpreting the woman's words as an agreement to his point. "This is all on you."

"Louis," Harvey says, "this is the last place I wanted to be tonight too, but I came back here to save my firm anyway. But if you're gonna be the same old Louis and we're gonna do the same old dance, then maybe you and this firm can both go rot in hell."

He walks out, leaving Louis and Jessica behind and making sure he doesn't even glance in Donna's direction as he brushes past her in the doorway.

He's barely reached the elevators when her voice calls him back.

"Don't you dare push that button. You're not leaving, Harvey, not tonight."

He doesn't avoid her then, but stands his ground. "Yes, I am.

"Well if you really mean that, then you're not the man I thought you were."

That's the last thing he needs to hear, especially from her, and it riles him up more than Louis shooting blame at him. "What did you just say to me?"

"I said that underneath that suit and that perfect record is a coward ready to run from one one the biggest fights of his life."

"I am not running from anything, Donna, and I don't need this right now."

"No, Harvey, right now is exactly when you need this because tomorrow is gonna be too late."

"I know what I'm doing."

"So why don't you enlighten me, because I, for one, would _love_ to know exactly what you're doing."

"I'm gonna go the hell home and never look back." Saying that, he moves back and calls the elevator.

"And what about tomorrow?" For some reason, that's when her voice gets softer and it's the first thing to really tighten something deep inside his chest.

"I don't care about tomorrow." But he can't really look at her when he says it.

"Well, maybe you should start caring about tomorrow because if you don't you're gonna wake up three weeks from now and realize that this was the biggest mistake of your life, and all you did was give up exactly what Mike went to prison to save."

His eyes and voice are hard when he turns back to her. "Mike did not go to prison to save this goddamn firm."

"No, Harvey, he went to prison to save _us_. And now you're walking out on us. And if you're gonna do this then tell me, what did he save us for?"

She turns her back and leaves him then, stranded by the elevator watching her retreating form. Those names on the wall like a billboard of everything that's wrong in his life. And it's so fucking typical of her to speak her mind, to shut him up with her truths and leave, trusting he'll just do what she says eventually. So sure that she's right and apt to save him from himself.

Well, not this time.

He doesn't give a shit anymore because whatever Mike went to prison to save it's not this. Him going to prison in the first place was a mistake. It never should've happened. He should've stopped it. But instead he let Donna stop him.

He punches the ground elevator button with the heel of his hand and leaves.

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She stays at the firm for hours. They try to do something, anything to save what they have left but when it becomes clear that Harvey actually left it doesn't feel like they have that much left to save after all.

Louis is the first to go, cursing Harvey and pointing out that if he had left earlier, none of this would have happened. Rachel follows after, saying she's going to her parents and refusing Donna's offer for company. Jessica, on the other hand, is not someone Donna can comfort. She sits at her office, drinking alone and staring at the wreckage of what was once her kingdom. So Donna leaves, too.

She doesn't expect to actually be able to sleep, but after a hot bath she wraps herself in soft fabrics and the exhaustion catches up to her.

She hasn't really slept in days, with the pressure of the trial, then a night spent completely awake worrying Harvey would turn himself to Gibbs instead of Mike, despite her pleas for him not to do it, another night trying to find a way to invalidate Mike's deal, then rushing Rachel's wedding leading to this disastrous night and she's just exhausted.

She drifts off thinking of everything that's happened. Just two nights ago she begged Harvey not to leave her. He was so broken, tears in his eyes, knuckles white grabbing the back of a chair trying to hold himself together, but he looked at her. And he saw. He _must have _seen it in her eyes that when she said she didn't want to lose him, she really meant it, in every way.

And now he just gave up on everything, lost faith.

The pounding sounds like it's coming from inside her head, waking her up even though she thinks she's just dreaming – it's just her thoughts of the other night, of Harvey knocking on her door. But she slips into consciousness and the pouding continues. She glances at her phone on the night stand for the time and it says it's past midnight so her heart clenches because it could only be one person.

"_You left," _she says the second she opens the door. She knows her eyes are bloodshot from tiredness and maybe a little crying before she fell asleep. She pulls on her cardigan, trying to wrap it closer around her lean figure to protect herself.

Harvey isn't any better, though. His hair is messy like he'd ran his hands through it just too many times, still wearing a dress shirt underneath his coat, but the tie and jacket are gone. His eyes as red as hers probably are.

"Can I come in?"

"No, you can't," she answers stubbornly, shaking her head slightly.

"Donna..."

"It's the middle of the night, Harvey."

"Donna!" He sounds frustrated with just enough irritation.

"You left, Harvey! After everything, you just left."

"What everything? We lost everything!" His voice lacks volume probably for the sake of her neighbors, but it's still abrasive.

"And we were supposed to fight to get it back, but you turned your back and left."

"You said it yourself, Mike didn't go to prison to save that goddam firm, he did it to save us so will you just let me in?!"

"What do you want?" she asks tiredly, but loses her hold on the door, allowing him to come inside.

He shrugs off his coat on the way to the living room and by the time she locks the door and catches up to him he's pacing around, unsettled steps around her dining room as he rubs his face with both hands.

"I should've stopped him. I should've turned myself in. I told you it was my goddamn fault."

She stops in her tracks, staring at him with apprehension. She doesn't like where this is going.

"You told me not to. You told me to have faith and what good did it do?" he asks, confirming her fears.

"Are you saying this is my fault?"

"I think Louis and Rachel made it pretty fucking clear this is all _my_ fault."

It doesn't sound like he's exempting her from blame though and she doesn't know what to say. He would have given himself over Mike. She knows he would. She knows the depths of his loyalty and how deep his sense of guilt cuts under his skin so she knows, even though this is not her fault, the outcome might just be, because Harvey didn't do it _because she asked him not to_.

"I'm not apologizing for the other night, Harvey," she says quietly, her voice shaky and raspy no matter how sure she tries to sound, the effort to keep tears from forming in her eyes creating a painful lump on her throat that makes it harder to breathe. "I meant everything I said and Mike should've had more faith in the two of you, too, and as terrible as all of this is I wouldn't go back."

"You mean you wouldn't let me turn myself in? Just like you wouldn't let me give up on the firm today? But I did. So here's a surprise for you, Donna, I don't always do what you tell me to."

His words sting not only for the blame he's apparently trying to inflict on her but because he's acting like she's set out to control him when all she ever does is put him first. Tell him what she believes. Think of his happiness. Even on that night, when her pleas were for herself more than for him, she believed with all her heart he was worthy of being found innocent. So she asked him to have faith, like she did.

"I'm not asking you to apologize." His voice breaks her out of her thoughts and she realizes her efforts to keep her eyes from glazing over were in vain.

"Then what are you asking for, Harvey?" She raises her arms in question and defeat, too tired to fight him.

Harvey takes a breath, squares his shoulders and walks a few steps closer to her and she has to fight her instincts to stand her ground and not take a step back.

"You know. Mike left Rachel. He chose to go to prison leaving the woman he was about to _marry _behind on that church. And I'm sure she begged him not to do it. She's the love of his life and he gave up on her, he gave up on their life together. He can't be sure their relationship is going to survive this, he can't be sure she's gonna wait for him for two years–"

"I know all that, Harvey!" she raises her voice trying to cut him off and still making a monumental effort to keep her tears at bay. "And I already feel pretty awful so if you could just–"

"I couldn't do that."

His words startle her, her eyes snapping to find his. She doesn't know what he's saying but it still makes something drop inside her stomach.

Harvey keeps his gaze locked on her, his voice low and hoarse. "You said you didn't want to lose me and that was it, Donna. There was no more pondering or chancing. That was it. I wasn't leaving you. Why do you think that is?"

Her lips open but no words seem to form, eyes wide, hands clutching the cardigan around her body.

"That probably makes me a worse man than he is, that I can't put what's right above the person I love. Even when it's my damn fault, even when I should be loyal to him. But he has always been better than me and you have always come first."

Her heartbeat bruises inside her chest, she's feeling breathless. "Harvey…"

"You asked me to fight for what Mike went to prison to save so here I am." His arms raise briefly at his sides and he almost shrugs from how simple surrendering to this truth seems to have suddenly become.

She takes a steadying breath, trying to swallow her feelings and not daring to move an inch, scared to break something. Whatever this is, whatever he's saying, she's sure he's just panicking.

"Harvey," she starts slowly, "You've been through a lot this week. I know you're feeling guilty and you want to do right by Mike, but this is not…"

"It's not what?" He takes another step nearer to her and her skin starts to prickle all over.

"It's not the way to fix things."

"I'm not here to fix anything!" he raises his voice then, frustration etched in every syllable. "I'm here to fight for _us_."

But she can't. There's too much happening, there's too much she had to face and then struggle to repress in the last year while working for Louis, ever since the last time they went down this road. She would trust Harvey with her life, but she doesn't trust his feelings because he told her he loved her and then took it back and it nearly broke them. She's not letting him do it again, especially not when she knows he's so torn with guilt over Mike.

"Harvey, this is not the time–"

"For god's sake, Donna, stop! Stop pushing me away. You don't get to pick what I choose to fight for! You once said you wanted me to fight for something other than what happens at that goddamn firm and guess what? I'm fighting for you and you don't get to tell me it's not the right time or that I don't really feel everything that's been ripping me up inside for so long. This is the battle I choose. I'm here because I love you."

His words grip at her heart with an iron fist. He really is fighting and she doesn't know what to do. "You said that before, Harvey! Pretty much on this same spot and not that long ago! And then you wouldn't tell me how and it almost ruined our relationship!"

"You think I don't know that? And don't pretend like you don't know everything that happened to me since then. You don't get to act like you don't know how I fucking _fell apart_ when you left. I told you before, I meant it when I said I love you. For some reason you chose not to believe me back then, but after everything that's happened since and when I'm right here, in front of you, telling you that I want you... don't act like you understand my feelings more than I do. You may know a lot, Donna, but you clearly don't know everything."

His voice sounds strained, like there's a hold on his throat and heart just as tight as in hers, eyes red-rimmed and shiny.

"This is it, Donna. This is what I choose to fight for. You told me you love me too, not that long ago, right before you left. So now let me ask you this – _love me how?_"

All her walls come crashing down then. Because Harvey thinks he's here fighting for her the way he's never fought for anyone else in his life, but Donna suddenly realizes not only that he has always fought for her in all the ways he knew how, but also that right now he's here fighting _for_ _them._

She launches herself in his direction in two quick strides, arms folding around his neck as her mouth presses against his and he immediately takes her in his arms.

Harvey parts her lips in hunger, tongue sliding into her mouth, moving against her own and tasting her and a low moan escapes from the back of her throat. Her fingers grip at the short strands at the back of his head when Harvey walks her back a couple of steps, trapping her between the back of the couch and the hard muscles of his stomach and chest.

He kisses her breathless, tasting her lips and tongue, hands sneaking under her cardigan to smooth down the sides of her breasts, dancing over her ribcage and grabbing her waist.

"Was this how I was supposed to have answered?" he asks, his mouth so close to hers she feels every syllable move against her own lips. When she opens her eyes, she sees that his are still closed, a smug grin on his lips as he says that.

She nods twice, grazing her lips over his as she does so. "Pretty much. Yes."

"I should have. And then I would have done this," he bucks his knees and grabs her leg, coaxing it around his waist as he grinds up against her, "on top of my desk."

"Hmmg… Too bad you were so slow."

He kisses her again, slow and wet. "You know I need you to explain these things to me."

"You didn't need me tonight," she says softly, some kind of wonderment in her tone when faced with the reality that they are here right now, in each other's arms, because Harvey confronted his feelings and hers all on his own.

"I do need you tonight," he says hoarsely, choosing to misconstrue her words and grinding his hardness against her again. "I need you _so much_."

She makes a noise halfway between a giggle and a moan, gently pushing him back only to take his hand in hers, eyes locked on his, while she silently starts to guide him to the bedroom. She's two steps into the halway when he tugs at her hand, pulling her into his arms again. He tangles his fingers into her hair and smugly says, "I remember the way" and she laughs the rest of the way towards her bed.

Harvey pulls on her cardigan and her top, unwillingly parting his lips from hers to tug it over her head, then keeps kissing and undressing her as she blindly undoes each button of his shirt.

He lies back in the middle of her bed, naked and wanting, bringing Donna with him, feeling the pressure of her body on top of his as she kisses his neck, tongue caressing down his skin, tasting him. She kisses her way down his body, short nails raking over him, feeling every muscle as her tongue rounds his nipples making Harvey groan.

She has her mouth on his pubic bone and his fingers are lost in her hair when he calls her name in a moan. She straddles his lap, hands splayed on his abdomen for balance, her wet folds making first contact with his cock and she grinds, forward and back, mixing her moans with his grunts each time the head of his cock hits her clit.

His fingers dig into the flash of her thighs, reaching for her. "Come here," he croons, voice raspier than she's ever heard and the way he looks at her, eyes dark with lust, tells her exactly what he wants.

She crawls up his body, guided by his hands and reaching for the bed frame, until she's sitting on his face, his fingers tightly gripping her thighs and his lips immediately coming to taste her. She moans, dropping her head forward, forehead resting on the bed frame, and eyes closing.

Harvey's tongue travels up and down her lips, slowly tasting her wetness and she fights to open her eyes because the picture is too good not to look at – Harvey's face between her thighs, his mouth buried in her, eyes gazing up at her own.

She whines and runs a hand through his hair, grasping at it, trying to keep it together and begging for more. He changes his movement, closing lips around her clit sucking hard and Donna almost screams.

His hands travel up, squeezing her waist and pulling her down harder into his face, and then up to grasp and her breasts, massaging them and pinching nipples.

He has his tongue sliding in and out of her, a thumb then coming to his assistance rubbing on her clit and Donna starts thrashing, grinding against his face, barely able to hold herself up against the bedframe and she moans. _Loudly._

When she comes, contracting around his tongue, every muscle deliciously tensing up, she tries to back up from him, the sensations too much, but Harvey grabs her thighs, holding her in place while he keeps gently licking at her, prolonging her orgasm until she rides the very last wave of it, body melting against him until she collapses by his side, still shivering with after shock.

He turns to the side then, arms enveloping her lean, breathless figure as he kisses her.

Her fingers rake through his hair, deepening the kiss, tasting herself on his lips and tongue and chin. His body finds its natural place between her legs and they just _fit_, like they always did.

He breaks the kiss because he wants to look at her as he does this, wants to see the look in her eyes as he grabs the base of his cock and rubs it against her pussy and then aligns it with her entrance; wants to see her lips parting in a soundless moan as he enters her, tight and perfect and his, all the way inside until his stomach presses against hers and her nails claw into the muscle of his ass and her moans find their volume.

He moves in and out of her, trying to keep a steady rhythm even though he's completely out of his mind. Her hips ride up to meet his at every thrust and his mouth descends to her throat. He kisses her collarbone and bites the soft flesh of her breasts, groaning when she wraps her legs higher around his waist, taking him in deeper as he tries to hold off long enough to make her come again.

She loses her pace then, walls clenching around him and fingernails digging into his back, moaning his name and she's so fucking beautiful when she comes. He fucks into her just a couple more times and then loses all control, coming inside of her, still during her own orgasm.

He lets his body rest on top of hers for a moment while they both try and catch their breaths, but when he starts to move, worried he might be crushing her, her arms hold him in her embrace, his face taking residence on the crook of her neck.

He kisses her there, open mouthed, breathless and wet, tasting the thin coat of sweat on her skin until he brings his mouth over her cheek to her lips and kisses her again, sucking on her lips slowly and gently. Only then Donna lets him move, sliding out of her to lay by her side, head resting on her pillow.

"I'm sorry I left," he whispers into their silence after a while.

"It's okay."

She waits for him to elaborate but he just looks like he's about to doze off.

"You know you have to go back tomorrow, don't you?" she asks.

"Hm-hm."

"And you're gonna find a way to save the firm and to get Mike out of prison?"

"I will."

He's sleepy and quiet and his agreement with everything he denied earlier that evening makes her unsure.

"Harvey..."

He pulls her closer, arm over her stomach, until he can bury his face in her neck again. "We'll get up in the morning and fight all our other battles and then come home together at night and do all of this, all over again. And we'll be fine," he promises into her skin and he's always had a way to make it seem like everything is gonna be okay so she melts into his body as he finally says, "Right now, we just need to get some sleep."

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End file.
